Whozits and Whatzits

Today, I made lasagna.  And by “made,” I mean that I preheated the oven to 350 degrees and then took the personal pan of lasagna my mother made for me before she left for vacation, placed it inside the oven, and left it there for thirty minutes.  Just like she told me to do.  When you’re twenty years old and this is still happening, then you know it is time to get some serious domestic help… or start a blog.

I was unloading the dishwasher today and I felt like the Little Mermaid attending her first human dinner; I found all kinds of gadgets and gizmos that were unfamiliar to me.  

 Most likely they are all used for hair-brushing.

I mean seriously; under what circumstances are these apparatus’ absolutely necessary?

That’s why I stick with simple objects.  This is the only thing I unloaded from the dishwasher that I actually 

 used this week:

Someday, Domestic Goddesses, I will be part of your world.

Class from the Past

I have to say, I’m feeling very domesticated at this moment: I just unloaded the dishwasher, both the washer and dryer are running and I made coffee.  Then I tried to make an omelet.  Those were some great scrambled eggs.  Never fails.

Yesterday I visited with my grandparents.  My parents are out of town and I am almost sick of frozen pizza, so I decided to invite myself over to Grandma’s (always acceptable).  I knew that she needed help with some things around the house and I would do just about anything for a home-cooked meal at that point.  And I love my grandparents. Which brings up something else.

If you have the option of visiting with your grandparents, take advantage of that.  They aren’t usually around for very long; something I know a lot of people have experienced, including yours truly.  Not only are they full of wisdom and chivalry, but you will learn more from an afternoon with your grandparents than a year with anyone else.  Your grandparents love you differently than anyone in your family and it’s one of the most beautiful loves I have seen.  That being said, if there is one goddess I know that has all the laws of domestication down perfectly, it would be my grandmother.  She passed them to my mother, who is a modern-day Martha and my sister, who could teach Bobby Flay a thing or two…. and… yeah, I’m still working on it.

I don’t want anyone to think that my greatest desire in life is to become a June Cleaver; filling my days with needlepoint and cake decorating and attending weddings in my spare time.  If there is anything in life I wish never to become, it is a housewife.  I have basically come to terms with the fact that I will never be married, due to my horrid cooking skills.  That’s fine.  But when a smashdown (I’ll explain later) becomes your main food staple, there is a problem.  The amount of clumsiness that fills my everyday life is slightly overwhelming.  It’s a work in progress.

So.  My grandma.

This professional seamstress had dinner on the table at six when Gramps got home from work.  By the time I was ready to help her with the dishes, they were done.  I was in awe.  She knows what’s up.  Thanks to her 50 years of practice, she has mastered her abilities.  She raised five children, ran a Bed & Breakfast and can sew anything and everything you ask her to.   

Not to mention she makes a mean pot roast and knows how to take her coffee: in the right mug.

Smashdown 

A grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not a wrestling move.

Step One: make a pb&j

Step Two: spread butter on one side

Step Three: cook buttered side in pan on stove

Step Four: spread butter on up-facing side

Step Five: flip

Step Six: using the spatula, smash the sandwich as much as possible.  This step is optional, but it's where the name came from, so it's recommended. 

Step Seven: you can eat it now, but it will be very hot.

Cooking by Audrey.  Welcome to my world. 

Escape from Veggie Land

I do not like healthy things.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate veggies; it’s just that, if I had the choice between a pint of ice cream and a plateful of green things… well… that’s not a difficult one.  In order to fill my sweets craving and stay healthy, I’ve had to come up with multiple food options that fit both categories.  

              Option #1: The Smoothie

Ingredients:

1 banana

3-4 ripe strawberries

½ cup of juice (any kind will do)

1 T of soy protein

1 t of flax seed

1 t cinnamon
1 dollop vanilla

aaaaand anything else you want to throw in there that sounds good, i.e. blueberries, raspberries, oranges, yogurt, etc;

Blend that all together and enjoy.

                Option #2: Granola

This is a recipe I found in my mother’s handy dandy recipe box and, believe it or not, I managed to make a tasty batch of granola (honestly, it’s not difficult).

Ingredients:

Dry

6 cups oats

1 cup wheat germ

½ cup sliced almonds

½ cup packed brown sugar

1 cup flax seed

Wet

½ cup canola oil

½ cup honey

1/3 cup water

1 ½ t salt

1 ½ t vanilla

I added 1 cup of dried cherries

Mix the dry ingredients together.  Mix the wet ingredients in a separate bowl and microwave until soupy, then stir.  Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix thoroughly. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Place mixture on cookie sheet.  Cook for thirty minutes stirring frequently.  Cool and add cherries.

I love this homemade granola because you can add anything you want to it.  I usually add some cinnamon to the dry mixture and some vanilla to the wet mixture.  It goes well with yogurt and fresh berries!  Not to mention it is very filling, which saves me from sneaking cookies or chocolate chips from the pantry later in the day…. I always thought that green things looked better when used for presentation, don't you?

 Good morning, World. I am ready to take you on.

Welcome to My Kitchen

You are more than welcome to leave.  I decided to start in the kitchen because it is most definitely my weak spot.  I cannot cook to save my life, or the life of anyone else, for that matter.

Senior year of high school I tried a nice gesture for my friends by making them chocolate chocolate chip cookies.  I ended up melting half the spatula in a pot of chocolate chips and all my friends took bets on whose cookie would hold rubber fragments of "the spatula that was."  I have since recommended that my mother switch to silicone spatulas... If anyone else has had this problem, see this website:
http://www.cooking.com/products/shprodli.asp?Keywords=Silicone+Spatulas

Aside from melting spatulas, I have also been known to set microwaves on fire, hide the peanut butter in the fridge and burn everything.  I cannot tell wheat germ from flour or croissants from biscuits.  I am the ultimate kitchen disaster, which is why I decided to start my introduction with the kitchen slowly.

Today I am going through my mother's recipe box.  My return to college is approaching and this year I am living in an apartment with a full kitchen.  This means I must cook my own food. And survive.
I went through my professional chef of a mom's recipes to find:
A) Familiar things
B) Food I enjoy
C) Food I can actually make
I wasn't necessarily looking in that order, but those are the three big ones.

Once I found a recipe that sounded simple and enjoyable, I copied it onto a 3"x5" index card, slipped it into a box and voila, my very own recipe box!

Baby steps, people, baby steps.