Official Farewell

I have noticed that people cringe when they hear me say the words, "I made ...(food)." Honestly, I don't blame (you) them.  Especially when things like dropping my phone into a hot pot of no-bakes happen. Yes, that happened recently.

There are 16 people who officially care about my take on all things non-domestic.  That, or you enjoy laughing at other people's misfortune and lack of skill so much that you would subscribe to posts about it. Either way, you 16 are enough.  You have shown me that yes, people care and yes, I am truly honestly the worst help in the kitchen.  In all seriousness, I want to thank you all for encouraging me to not be afraid to speak up, follow my dreams and above all, be myself. I'm getting mushy, I know, I'm sorry.  I really just want to say, thank you.

I'm retiring this blog for good, but I have something in the works that I'm hoping will bring you just as much joy and entertainment.

I call these Phoneless No Bakes

 

If I had addresses for all 16 of you, you would each receive a cookie.  But I don't. So you get to look at a picture of them.  But there's only 16 of you, so think of it like an exclusive club or something.

There was extra leftover in the pot. So yeah, I ate it with a spoon.

Love and deepest thanks to you all.

Bacon Cheddar Burgers

What do you do with leftover bacon? Whatever you want, but I decided to make venison burgers stuffed with bacon and sharp cheddar cheese. Your call.

I came to school this year armed with the best intentions of creating the greatest non-domestic goddess blog ever made, which means I brought with me several packages of ground venison.  It's a Prisk thing, and also, I'm not the biggest fan of beef. 

So I made some patties half the size of normal patties.  I shredded the cheese, cooked the rest of the bacon, and cut it into tiny pieces, and piled them in the middle of the little patties.  Then, I took another patty and put it on top.  Really scientific, I know....

Then, I cooked them!

I topped my burger with Muenster cheese and avocado, because I thought that sounded like something a domestic goddess would do.  I also cooked baked beans (which means I opened the can and poured them in a pan) for a side, and added one of daddy's home made garden-cucumber pickles.  And guess what.... I STILL had bacon leftover....

...so I made a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon on it...

In high school, my girlfriends and I had a go-to food that made our worst days tolerable.  It wasn't a pint of Ben & Jerry's or a bag of Oreos, it was a grilled cheese sandwich.  We would sit on the counter, ranting about the latest boy issue, homework assignment, future dilemma, parental problem, and anything else making our lives miserable, while someone made sandwiches and provided council.  

Ingredients:
- 2 different kinds of cheese (your favorite; I usually choose Muenster and Provolone)
- cream cheese
- bread
- butter
- 1 apple

Make the grilled cheese as usual, but spread cream cheese on both pieces of bread (the non-buttered side).  Slice the apple and while one side of the sandwich is cooking, place the apple slices in the pan.  Before putting the second piece of bread on top, place the cooked apple slices on top of the cheese.  Even if you don't like apples, you absolutely positively need to try putting cream cheese on your next grilled cheese.

If you're counting calories, find another blog.  I don't do math...

Testing Your Patience

And the winner is...

Bacon, Egg and Toast Cups!!!

If that wasn't your first choice, I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe you should have taken this voting thing seriously.

I apologize for keeping you on the edges of your seats, but let me be real for a second: I'm really not sorry about it.  I love suspense and I love it when people read my blog.  More suspense = more readers.  So, please tell your friends and loved ones about the non-domestic goddess and give my equation some substance.

You're probably wondering, "If the toast cups won, then where are the toast cups?"  Let me explain..... I'M BUSY.  I wish that the only thing I ever had to do was come up with witty and entertaining blog posts, but that just isn't the case, and for this I truly do apologize.  Not only do I miss sharing my life with you, but I miss eating real food.  I only blog about my cooking after I've actually cooked something, which hasn't happened lately, and is why I am currently living out of a box of granola bars, Pop-Tarts and candy that my parents sent to me.  They are already aware of this fact.

Instead of focusing on food, I'll use this post as domestication time, because I know we could all use a little more of that in our lives.

Things Audrey Never Remembers

Or, if my father were to write this:

The World According to Audrey

• Dark clothes are washed with COLD water, not hot, because darkness is cold and light is warm.  And that is how I am going to remember that from now on.
• Painting your toes because you bite your nails is perfectly acceptable, just ask Blake Shelton.

Who Are You When I'm Not Looking - Blake Shelton

• Being able to find things in your room (even if it takes an hour or so) constitutes cleanliness.
• The days of the week are as follows:

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday

but only if you have your planner or a friend to tell you what day it is, otherwise it's whatever day you want it to be.

• The refrigerator door can open AND close.
• Pancakes are suitable for every meal.
• Ladies, wear gloves.  It's chic.  I'm rather fond of this pair I picked up at an antique store for seven dollars this summer.

Not only do they look nice, but they keep your hands protected from fall's chilly breezes while you carry that coffee mug, umbrella or ________.  Those are the only two things I really ever carry, so fill in the blank with something of your own.  Gentlemen, when ladies wear gloves, notice.  They'll like that.

Spoiler Alert: Toast Cups coming soon.

Turning Up the Heat

I have decided to grab my culinary clumsiness by the spatula.  All my life I have been told that practice makes perfect (or at least gets you close), so practice is what I will do.

There are a number of dishes that I have been dying to make, but I just haven't had the confidence to do so.  Now that I've been doing more adult things, like paying bills, vacuuming and knitting, I've come across some sort of kitchen gumption and decided to cook for you all.  Not only that, but I have also decided to let you choose my fate.  Be nice.

The recipes I am most interested in attempting are:

White Chicken Pizza

Baked Mac and Cheese

Barbeque Chicken Rolls

  Bacon, Egg and Toast Cups

Tequila Lime Steak Fajitas

aaaaaand if there's something specific thing you want me to take a whack at, just let me know.  I'm up for anything.  All you have to do is vote (check the right side of the screen) on which one you would have more fun laughing about after I try to make it.  You have about a week to vote, so you better make it count!  Everybody loves a good disaster.  Don't forget to tell your friends -- they'll thank you later.



Photo credits to the following websites: www.mommiecooks.com, www.elephantine.typepad.com, www.canyoustayfordinner.com, www.marthastewart.com, www.ourlifeinthekitchen.com

Being A Better Betty Crocker

As I sit here slurping a freshly puréed mixture of blueberries and bananas (a recipe I am most definitely posting), I had the realization that I have been doing quite well with the process of domestication.  Then I had another realization; I've been doing so well because I spend my days knitting and making smoothies.  The only reason I have stepped foot into the kitchen in the past month is so that I can dump a couple of different fruits into a blender and press "on"...


I suddenly feel so defeated.  The thing is, does it look like I have a reason to cook for myself?

 That omelet is filled with mushrooms, prosciutto and cheese curds, for crying out loud.

Most kids gain weight when they're at school, but my problem is when I come home for the summer....

This is what I mean, though.  Both of my parents are chef-like and my older sister could have her own show on The Food Network.  I am determined to become a better cook.  From now on, I will try to do more in the kitchen; less snitching out of the frying pan and more learning.

Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Harriet Van Horne  

Best Smoothie Yet

1 banana

1 1/2 cups of blueberries

1 vanilla yogurt

1 strawberry yogurt

1 tsp of cinnamon

While this is all in the blender, add a drop of coconut flavoring and another drop of almond flavoring. My blueberries were frozen so I didn't use ice.

Makes two... if you like to share...

Wish me luck.  I know you'll be reading.

Let's Get ORGANIZED

If I’m being honest, I need some help in the organization area.  But if I'm being COMPLETELY honest, organization and I go together like Grace Kelly and Marilyn Manson...eek.  Anyone who knows me knows this.  My tornado zone bedroom (as it is frequently referred to by my mother) is a great example, as is pretty much everything in my life; my purse, my closets and my iTunes library.  As much as I am able to find things in these messes, I would prefer to not have to dig through clothes and an assortment of other objects every time I need something.  Here’s to cleaning it all up.

Part of me (the lazy part) thinks that I should hold off on blogging about organization because I will be moving into a new apartment in less than three weeks… the other part is sick of wading through mounds of unidentifiable objects… and would like to be reminded of what color the carpet in my bedroom is.

The things I have the hardest time organizing are accessories.  A girl can only have so many earrings, bracelets and belts, scarves, rings and shoes.  Let’s just say, my bedazzled, multi-colored, five-inch cup overfloweth.   

I’ve tried under-the-bed organizers and over-the-door holders, boxes with compartments and individual bags.  Here is what I have finally come up with.  I used to have all my bracelets thrown together in one box, but that caused tangles worse than Rapunzel.  This is what they look like now:

 I came up with the idea to use empty bottles of my favorite soda.  I'm a big Izze fan, and the other bottles are Wild Bill's Wild Ginger; it's a spicy ginger ale, the kind that makes your eyes water and gives you a kick in the pants. Delicious.

Next I would love to organize my shoes, but let's face it, there's too many of them.  I need them to be easily accessible in a way that does not frighten people when they walk into my room, because right now, they look like this: 

That's only half of them.

I can't believe I just put that picture on here... at least now you know I'm not kidding...

Happy organizing!

Little Brother for Sale

He's stinky, he leaves his toys in my room and he drools all over the place.  Not too mention he insists upon sleeping in my bed every night and hogs the sheets.

His best qualities include his loyalty and easily excitable personality; all you have to do is change your voice pitch and he'll respond.  As far as domestication goes, he listens well and obeys instructions, but he will expect a treat for doing so.
He is the spoiled child of the family, which is to be expected because he is the baby.  He responds to Pup, Bro, Dog and anything else you say loudly in his direction, including Colt, which is his name. 
You only have to feed him twice a day....

Oh yeah. He's a dog.

But as far as payment goes, bartering is fine with me.

Let's just keep this between us....

How could you resist that face?

Midnight Snacks n' Stories

I am writing now because I have just finished my midnight snack of juice and no-bakes and there is no way in this wide world that I am going back to sleep.  Have you ever tried sleeping through a heat wave in a house that has no air conditioning?  Doesn't really happen.
I know it's bad because A) I love sleep. Love it. B) My pin-straight hair is curling. CURLING. Not just frizzing, but spiraling out from my skull. C) I'm sweating, and weather.com is telling me that it is currently 87 degrees, feels like 94, in the postal code region of 49685.

Now I will subject you to nighttime ramblings.

The conversation came up in my house the other day if it is appropriate to use the bathroom facilities with the door open, if there was no one else in the house.  One member said yes, another said that they do it when there are other family members in the house.  My response was, "does that sound domesticated to you?" But of course, I think it's acceptable.

Another bathroom bungle; when you finish your duties and realize there is no toilet paper in the vicinity.
Attention people: it is our humanitarian duty to replace the roll after we have used the last of it.  We have all been in this forsaken position of having "no roll," or being stuck with one lousy toilet paper leaf clinging to the cardboard roll for dear life.  Because we all know what that feels like (humiliating, panic-ridden, mortifying, etc ;) replace the roll when it's on E.  Especially if you are in another person's house.

If you are having trouble finding a graceful way to handle this situation, don't worry about it; simply ask for another roll.  As my dear friend would say:
Remember, everybody poops.

Aren't you glad you clicked on this post?